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Letters From Home

Editors Note: The New Guy has lost it again

Dearest Mother,

The victory trumpets echo throughout the camp as General Baker prepares us for our Western campaign. The Cleveland Guardians of Asgard attempted to breach the walls of Houston this past week and General Greinke took his Thor hammer and completely broke the spirit of the Guardians as he was victorious on the battlefield, the spirit of the Guardians was crushed by Admiral Altuve as he aimed 2 cannons that launched 2 boombahs at the retreating Guardians of the not so galaxy. Saving the city is no easy task but with the support of the locals and a home-cooked meal, the morale has never been higher. What we thought would be an easy weekend turned out to be quite easy as the outfit from Arlington brought a butter knife to a gunfight and were promptly and swiftly taken care of before they quickly retreated in a pathetic fashion. I believe it was the first fight of mankind where a casualty did not happen on our side. Mother, it’s very hard for us not to get ahead of ourselves as we head out west for a campaign against the 3 armies that pose a dangerous threat to our campaign. General Baker has asked all of us to write a letter to our loved ones and to put in our coats in case we shall perish, a chilling sobering thought as we march throughout the night on what I believe some would call the Oregon trail one day. I am not afraid of death for I have never lived more than I did in the year of 17 when we were victorious but we march on not for us but for the city.

With love from your son,


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